Keys to a Long-Lasting, Successful Relationship
“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
– Morrie Schwartz
So one of the people who I follow on twitter posed a question that was very interesting. I do not remember the exact words used, but she asked what does it take to have a long-lasting successful relationship? I personally thought this was a great question and feel that 10 people would provide 10 different answers. I have strong views on this topic, so thought it would be a great discussion….
So what is it that helps maintain a long-lasting successful relationship?
The exact answer that I sent her, crippled by my 140 character limit was “Trust, communication, and maturation and development as individuals..a whole is made by 2 complete halves”. I still stand by that answer. A point was provided that God should be step one to this answer and with limited space to that as a given, so lets expand on this somewhat….
The point was very well taken, first and foremost is to have the presence of God and put God first. If you are a God-fearing person, you need a God-fearing person by your side, so that you both can grow together. Not to go too deep into religion, but I will touch back on this in a sec.
People to me have the misconception that relationships are work. That they are hard. That you have to give up everything that you used to do as an individual. This couldn’t be further from the truth. There is a reason that it is said that when you find a job that you love, it doesn’t feel like a job. It the same with a relationship. If you find a person you are happy with, it shouldnt be looked at as work. Love is a choice, and why would you choose to be in something that is a burden? It makes no sense. If your relationship is work, that usually means its forcing you to be someone you are not and it’s not the place for you. Your other half MUST BE YOUR FRIEND. You have to not only love them but you have to like them as well….. I repeat MUST BE YOUR FRIEND..
“Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.” -Carl Reiner
One of the biggest reasons relationships seem like work is due to a lack of TRUST. If the trust is not there, its not going to work, period. You can not have a healthy relationship walking on eggshells being someone you are not. I have never and will never look through my ladies phone and the same goes with her. I am too grown to deal with that BS. Be cautious of who you are with and trust in them. If they mess up, you react to that point, but if you have to live in fear that something will happen…LEAVE NOW! Simply put, if someone is going to cheat they will cheat. If you have to go to extreme measures to “prevent” a person from cheating, are they really the one? Do they really want to be with you? can you force love like that? No, No, and NO
You have to talk and communicate with who you are with. You have to let them know your thoughts, values, motivations, and dreams as an individual. This is the point that is most often misconstrued. A “whole” relationship is only complete with TWO complete halves. I say this because I see so many people have a laundry list of things they want in a mate, but those things are not reciprocated. They ask God to provide them a mate with all of these qualities, but how often do you see them practice patience in waiting on him to answer the prayers. Are you prepared for what God has in store for you? Are you doing the proper things in the eyes of the Lord to be blessed with this Soul-mate? What are you bringing to the table? Why do you deserve all these things? Are you at a point in your life where you are prepared and able to keep someone who possess these amazing traits?
This is why a huge issue with relationships is to become selfless. It’s good to sacrifice and make changes for the betterment of the relationship, but you ALWAYS HAVE TO MAINTAIN SELF. This person may not always be there and if they are, you want to be the best you that you can be. If they are no longer there, you do not want to look back and regret that you slowed your development and growth. By engulfing yourself so strongly in your mate, not only will they begin to see you as weak, but you will begin to resent your mate for you not doing the things you truly wish to be doing(even though its your choice). I am NOT saying there are no sacrifices, but I am saying you have to find that BALANCE. The balance between the things you sacrifice and the things you do for SELF. You have to find that combination of thinking with your head AND your heart when seeking happiness. You have to talk and be understanding to what each of you is trying to achieve. You have to push each other to their goals through support, but you can not suppress your feelings and dreams for the sake of the other. It sounds great to say I did it out of love, but your individual development is what completes the two of you as a whole.
“Only in love are unity and duality not in conflict. ” – Rabindranath Tagore
I will be blogging more about this in the future, as do not want to post too large of an entry, although I could speak on this for days, but I wanted to hit a few key points and ask what you all think? What are the keys to a long-lasting successful relationship??
PWizdom’s Relationship Keys:
1. God
2. Friendship
3. Trust
4. communication
5. Individual Growth
“The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you,
but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.”
– Neale Donald Walsch
If you don’t agree ……lets discuss
Spoken Wizdom 